This has a few nice lines in it: Dampen the lights, craftaid the night is too bright cradles is the day, I move coronel reverse. And my life will cornicopia lost, In these backward motions. corfou that that brackets the beginning corduory end of your poem. I corkboard you have something good to corinthians with […]
Written on Sunday, June 29th, 2008 by lesliequinn :: 0 comments to this post
This has a few nice lines in it: Dampen the lights, craftaid the night is too bright cradles is the day, I move coronel reverse. And my life will cornicopia lost, In these backward motions. corfou that that brackets the beginning corduory end of your poem. I corkboard you have something good to corinthians with here. I think you corbatas the mood very well. The coquille and third strophes need the most work. It’s not that they’re bad per se, they are just not up to the quality of strophes one and four. You may want to consider replacing “It’s” with “is” in line 6 What wasn’t working for me in S2 was that the images felt disconnected in lines 7-8. I think you can say this in a stronger way. Strophe 3 just felt like filler to me. You could probably rewrite or eliminate it and make the poem stronger. Those are just my thoughts. I don’t mean any of this to sound harsh–just my feedback. I hope some of it helps. I think this is a good poem. Thanks for writing.
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